When I hear this phrase, I automatically remember and compare it to the desire of all young adults to leave home at 18. It's something that we idealize, that we want to happen. Leaving our parents' house, having our own housing, being independent and free from the eyes of our caregivers... But when we celebrate the mythical 18 years, what happens? Nothing changes, except for a few exceptions, of course...
I feel that in the months of December, the number of diagnoses of “New Year's Syndrome” increases. It is at the end of the year that we analyze all our achievements, failures, and regrets. This analysis, in addition to being severe and cruel, is fraught with guilt and frustrated expectations for everything we are unable to achieve.
But... then we put the ball forward because a new year is about to start and”That's when it's going to be”. We placed all our trust in January, in the year ahead, and in the illusion of instant change.
“Next year I want...”
“Next year I will...”
How many of us have said that? And how many times have we found ourselves delaying these new plans or delaying implementing all the previously planned changes? How many times, after so much delay, has the year changed, but everything has remained the same?
(I believe that, for all the unfulfilled promises that come at the turn of the year, if the “New Year” were a person, he would be sarcastically laughing at us whenever we profess phrases like this in the months of December and January.)
In Portugal, around 74% of people commit to New Year's resolutions, but only 12 to 55% succeed, with a low success rate.
The truth is that it's easy to associate a new year with new beginnings, and change. And why? Because the new year is filled with new opportunities, motivation and hope to be better and to fulfill everything we set out to do, whether in previous years or in the present year. This idea of change or of being born again, although sometimes illusory, knows us well.
But... If we're so excited, why are there so many plans and promises that fall apart as soon as February? Or do some of them not even start?
First, because the change of year is not, nor will it ever be, magically capable of changing everything and of fulfilling all our wishes just with the change of digits. It's important to plan for change: define clear goals, deadlines, and small steps. Remember that the objectives must be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and with a defined deadline (if you want to know more about this, you can search for “SMART objectives”).
Second, because it often commits us to goals that are very difficult to achieve or otherwise very vague, such as “lose 20 kilos in 2 months” or “to be a new person”. And it is, most of the time, these unattainable goals that generate frustration and abandonment, giving rise to the idea of failure, guilt, and the belief that “I never do anything right!” , “another goal that I was unable to achieve” and “what a failure”...
Third, because, most of the time, when there is a small slip or failure, we are very prepared for self-criticism, leading us to give up.
But what can I do to be more successful?
- Start small: For example, the goal of “changing your life” maybe that's too demanding a goal. We must be able to understand what we want to change and select one change at a time. Dividing objectives into simpler, more specific and measurable goals is very useful for achieving them. Remember, no one can run a marathon without preparation...
- Congruent with my values: It is important that the objective we want to achieve is aligned with who we are, with the new values and ideas, thus increasing the probability that motivation will be maintained over time.
- Plan: We have a goal and we must outline a plan to achieve it. For example: “I want to lose weight”, what do I have to do to achieve this goal? Go to the gym and be accompanied in nutrition. If I'm going to go to the gym, when can I go? What will be the most appropriate time for me? Which gym can I choose?
- Be flexible and realistic: Sometimes, we will have to adjust our objectives. Life is unpredictable and we don't control everything. Adjusting isn't failure, it's strategy.
- Self-compassion: Last but not least, we must forgive ourselves and understand ourselves if we fail to achieve everything we set out to achieve. We must understand and balance what went right and wrong and what we can do next to continue our objectives.
Above all, it's important to realize that failures can always happen. In fact, it's normal for us to fail. The most important thing is to understand how I can adapt and what I can do to continue trying to achieve my goal.
Remember that the year is new, but we don't need a date to put our goals and expectations into practice.
Every day is good, if we are prepared to fail but not to give up.