When we hear about mental health, we often hear about the importance of establishing good relationships with others. On the other hand, in order to achieve these good relations, we have also heard about the importance of setting limits. Indeed, being aware of our limits is essential for the sustainability of our physical and psychological well-being. One of the contexts in which this need is most relevant is the professional context.
It is true that we have been able, for some time and under specific and temporary circumstances, to function beyond our limits. However, doing so for too long and continuously, using up more energy and resources than we can recover, will cause us to begin to develop an exhaustion that will prevent us from continuing to live in a healthy way.
Thus, in order to be able to establish these limits preventively, or to be able to interrupt wear and tear in borderline situations, it is important to know how to say not. However, knowing how to do it can go far beyond the mere verbalization of that denial. Setting boundaries at work is a shared responsibility that requires clarity and flexibility on both sides.
Why is it often difficult to say not?
There are several reasons why we may feel the need to say not at work. Because we don't feel able to accept more tasks, because they are proposing unwanted changes to our work structure, or because what is being proposed to us is not in line with our personal values. Any of these situations represents a situation in which we may have to communicate our disagreement. So why can it be so difficult to do so?
The reasons can be related to both individual factors and organizational factors. Individually, we may feel uncertain about our legitimacy to request certain changes or fear that doing so will bring us other types of consequences. This may come from adverse experiences we had in the past, either during our growth or from previous work experiences. Thus, as a way to avoid these consequences and facilitate our well-being in the short term, we may tend to avoid this disagreement. At the organizational level, the conditions offered by companies or institutions to their workers may also make it difficult to communicate their needs. Factors such as the existence of authoritarian leadership, work rhythms and objectives that are too demanding, or unsafe working conditions come into play. In the end, difficulty negotiating healthy boundaries may start to generate turnover or absenteeism.
Various ways of saying not?
First of all, we must bear in mind that doing so does not necessarily imply closure or inflexibility. Upon a request from a customer, colleague or Manager, can we clarify the conditions under which our not applies. In the same way, clarify how this not it can be changed if these conditions are also different. Let's take an example: if a colleague asks me if I can help you with a certain task, and I'm too overwhelmed right now, I might say something like “I would be happy to help you, but unfortunately I can't do it right now, because I'm dealing with this other issue. Could I do it in a week?” This will show the other person that we are not necessarily closed to the possibility of helping them with their needs, but that we have to pay attention to our other needs first, also offering an alternative that allows that middle ground. On the other hand, even if the hypothesis we suggest doesn't work for that person, a healthy negotiation of the terms in which this could happen can begin. Maybe the person will propose another deadline that also works for us, maybe it reduces the magnitude of the task so that it's easier for us to be able to help them, or maybe they offer us help with our own task as a thank you.
Second, we can also remember that not it doesn't always have to be for the immediate. For example, at some point I may realize that I am working too hard or doing tasks that should be allocated to someone else, without having to stop them abruptly. Let's take another example: let's imagine that, because some colleagues have recently abandoned work, I find myself carrying out more tasks than those that were initially negotiated. However, even without realizing it, I may have also hinted that I was capable of carrying out these tasks, and the person responsible for their distribution will not always be aware of the burden I am feeling. Then I can draw your attention to this fact by saying something like “I'm having some difficulty managing so many tasks at the same time. It's possible that you didn't notice, but it would be important for me that this was only temporary because I won't be able to continue like this in the future. Would it be possible to review the deadlines for these tasks or identify ways to recruit more colleagues?” This formulation introduces our not in the near future, if certain conditions are not respected. In addition, it helps reduce the likelihood that the other person will feel attacked, because we don't immediately assume a bad intention on your part. Finally, it ends again with a suggestion of alternatives, allowing for the discussion of compromise between the needs of both.
Finally, we must remember that, in the face of certain requests or requests, we do not have to give an immediate response. We can take some time to reflect on what is proposed to us, precisely so that we can carefully analyze whether a particular request is in line with our needs. Let's take a final example: let's imagine that I received a job offer in which certain conditions were presented to me and I am asked to respond as soon as possible, so as not to miss the opportunity. Because of the sense of urgency, I may feel compelled to respond immediately, accepting or rejecting the proposal. In any case, doing so in a hasty manner may make me accept unfavorable conditions, or say not to some conditions that would even be relevant in my life phase. Then I can say something like “I appreciate the proposal and I remain interested in working with you, but I would like to read it carefully. Would it be possible to give you an answer within 48 hours?”. The proposed deadline may take into account both the time you deem necessary to analyze the proposal and the time you deem to be reasonable so as not to risk losing it. And, once again, it not only shows the other party an interest in analyzing it, but it also allows them to suggest a different deadline if necessary.
And when ours No are they disregarded?
After analyzing these examples, we could ask ourselves: what if that's not enough for mine not be heard and respected? That is, what if the other party is too inflexible or demanding on their terms? The answer lies in the concept of shared responsibility, present in most of our interactions. Thus, if we feel that we did everything in our power to communicate in a non-violent way, validate the other's needs and propose solutions, it means that the other party may not be able to assume the same responsibility before us. Consequently, this may lead us to have to decide if there are other variables that make up for keeping us in this same situation or if, on the other hand, we should look for other contexts that can better satisfy our needs.