The topic that I bring to you today is a constant in the consultations that I follow, in the groups that I attend and in what I observe daily on social networks. These are questions that come to me from everywhere: How to cultivate more moments of well-being? How to prevent burnout? How can we take better care of ourselves? (...)
It is undoubtedly positive to see this growing appreciation of self-care: almost as a response to the constant pressure to be productive, to always be available, updated and “connected”... Almost like a response to the demands of such a fast-paced world, where there isn't always room to stop and breathe, observe our inner world, understand what our emotions want to inform us and respect our needs for rest and connection with others...
However, through my experiences, I have noticed that sometimes a paradox emerges that deserves reflection.
We believe and are led to believe that we must follow certain patterns, suggestions, advice, and self-care routines. In general terms, the problem is not in the initiatives themselves, but in the way in which we adapt to them. The suggestions for self-care are immense and diverse. On the other hand, each one of us is immense, diverse, and unique in the world, too. So what works for someone doesn't mean it will work for anyone. What often happens is that we don't question whether the suggestions are really right for us. We simply want to comply and correspond, uncritically, and with significant effort. Consequently, this adds some stress, anxiety and pressure to an activity that, being self-care, aims to alleviate this symptomatology and bring some levity, not the other way around.
Many people feel overwhelmed by highly demanding routines that don't start or end the workday. Balanced breakfast, exercise, journaling, meditation, matcha, essential oils... Later, family responsibilities, household chores, unfinished work and, even, the expectation of carrying out more “well-being” activities: reading a certain number of book pages (which should be completed this month!) , do yoga, meditate once again...
What about when we don't finish this nearly endless to-do list? Guilt, frustration, and a sense of failure often arise.
Are we, therefore, fighting the fire with gasoline?
Self-care can, in fact, be an essential tool. But, as explained before, when it is transformed into yet another to-do list - with no room for adaptation or internal listening - it risks becoming counterproductive.
In the current professional context, it is common to live under pressure: there are significant levels of perfectionism, Impostor Syndrome, difficulty in setting limits, and also of functioning on autopilot. Therefore, if we try to respond to this malaise, adding new requirements under the heading of “self-care”, we intensify and expand the list of tasks that belong to the “do” mode, when the primary objective would be to move to the “be” mode. We are, without a shadow of a doubt, fighting fire with gasoline!
This phenomenon can lead to an idealization of free time, where rest is “allowed” only after achieving certain goals: walking 10,000 steps, reading”n” pages, complete a daily exercise or meditation session. When these goals are not achieved, feelings of guilt, shame, and self-criticism arise - exactly the same as we have found in other areas of life.
If self-care ceases to be restorative and becomes more of a source of pressure, it is important to rethink what we mean by taking care of ourselves. True self-care does not lie in the amount of practices we accumulate, but in how present we are able to be in the moment. Activities carried out without intention or awareness are unlikely to have a profound impact on our well-being and on our ability to hear what our body has to tell us.
More than complying with a strict plan, perhaps the invitation is something else: Stop, observe, and listen.
What do I need today?
On some days, it might be a walk or a bit of exercise. In others, it could be simply resting, watching an episode of a series, or not doing anything in particular. And this is also very valid: doing nothing also gives us the freedom to truly create a connection with our inner world and with our emotions, without alienating ourselves. Going off autopilot requires some conscious effort: the effort to be present, to observe thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations with curiosity and without judgment. It often involves confronting ourselves with what we avoid at the fast pace of everyday life. But it is also through this space of consciousness that it is possible for us to make choices that are more adjusted to our real needs.
A simple practice may be to take short breaks throughout the day: to stop for a few minutes, to breathe, to observe what is present: in the body, in the mind, in the emotions and, from there, to intentionally decide on the next step.
Self-care isn't about meeting goals. It's about allowing yourself to be what you are, in the present moment.
Of course, routine has its value. But the flexibility within that routine — the ability to adjust expectations and respond to what we really need — can be significantly more restorative. Therefore, taking care of yourself does not necessarily imply adding more activities to an already overloaded schedule: it implies just the opposite: removing, simplifying, slowing down...
Presence and intention can be cultivated one minute at a time. I invite you to learn about the STOP technique:
- S — “Stop” - Stop what you are doing.
- T — “Take a breath” - Take a deep breath.
- O — “Observe” - Observe thoughts, emotions, and sensations, without judgment.
- P — “Proceed” - Proceed consciously and intentionally.